


Disarming Techniques

by lamename



Series: Lay Down Your Arms [1]
Category: Megamind (2010)
Genre: BAMF!Roxanne, F/M, Flirting, Pre-Movie(s), The Incredibles (2004) References, the Extended Disarming trope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 14:13:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13215468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamename/pseuds/lamename
Summary: Roxanne decides to make kidnappings more fun.





	Disarming Techniques

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to my betas baegels and thestarsaresilver! You've saved me many more hours of self-doubt and dictionary-browsing than you know :D
> 
> So... I finished it this summer but couldn't find a title. Yep. Then I figured a sequel might help clear that problem up... (I mostly know how I want it to play out but I'm honestly tired of rewriting it YET AGAIN.) Anyway, since I figured I wanted to post something today but this was the only completed fic it took me less than 5 minutes of brainstorming to find something satisfactory. idek
> 
> I hope you won't be too disappointed about the UST/URT, I just love Roxanne torturing Megamind... also I promise I have several MegaRox WIPs too (some of which I've had since like, spring, so we'll see how that goes)

Megamind burst through Roxanne’s balcony door, aiming his de-gun in a high arc until it stopped at Roxanne, who was standing in the living room. And holding a can of what looked like pepper spray. Her eyes were wide; she was obviously startled into a halt before she shuffled a little closer while adjusting her position... 

“Ah-ah!” Megamind tightened his grip on the gun. “Don’t come any closer with that. Drop it!” 

With a sigh, Roxanne lowered her eyes and flicked the can onto her couch. “So much for trying to make your kidnappings interesting,” she griped. Megamind didn’t listen, his attention on some notes on Roxanne’s wall, at least until something came flying his way. 

Yelping, Megamind dehydrated the object which appeared to be Roxanne’s purse, then trained the gun back on her. “Miss Ritchi, this was really uncalled for.” 

Arching an eyebrow, she crossed her arms. “Just like your kidnappings. I figured I’d try to give you a taste of your own medicine.” 

“Too bad your attempts are pathetic. You make me doubt your potential as an Evil Queen...” He squinted at her slight smirk. “Almost. Drop your weapons!” 

In no hurry, Roxanne unwound her arms, then reached one hand into her pocket. At the gun’s jerk she slowly withdrew her hand, opening her palm around a zippo before tossing it onto the couch. 

The two stared at each other, breathing shallowly. Roxanne retrieved a pocket knife from her other pocket. With a clink it joined the pile, neither breaking eye contact. Her hands undid her heavy belt buckle and drew the wide leather belt through her dress hoops. 

The pair tensed as the flat door opened, but wouldn’t move their eyes from their opponent. The intruder cleared his throat. “Sir, is everything alright? It’s time to get back to the Lair.”

Megamind swallowed as Roxanne dropped the belt. “It’s fine, Minion. Only Miss Ritchi here needs to learn some kidnapping protocol.” 

“So she’s, uh...” 

“Divesting herself of her weapons, obviously!” 

“Oh,” said Minion when a smirking Roxanne bent slightly and lifted the hem of her dress, revealing a row of knives and a taser, her eyes sparkling with mirth. Megamind’s cheeks and ears filled with blood as she unstrapped them by feel, and he was very careful to not let his gaze stray from Roxanne’s. One by one, the glinting objects piled on the couch, and Roxanne straightened to full height.  

Taking a few deep breaths, Megamind narrowed his eyes further. “I see you’re wearing a new dress. Suits you well.” 

“Why, thank you!” said Roxanne with a purr. 

“I wonder where you got it from?” 

“Are you planning to buy one? White doesn’t seem your color, even if it has black stripes.” 

Megamind’s lips curled. “Humor me.” 

“H&M. Ever heard of it?” 

Minion piped up, “That’s not their style at all. It screams Edna Mode to me, especially with that belt and pockets.” 

“A-ha!” Megamind waved his gun. “Keep going, I’m sure you have more tricks up your sleeve.” 

Indeed there was another knife up her left sleeve, and some sort of cord up her right. Megamind frowned, but stood his ground against Roxanne’s stare.

Sighing and rolling her eyes, Roxanne reached behind her back and disposed of some small blades, hooks, and pins. After a pause, she went for the fake-looking zipped pockets on the front, tossing away packages with some sort of powder.  

With an air of nonchalance, Roxanne stomped her right foot. A blade sprung from the toe, and Megamind’s facial muscles twitched with badly concealed surprise. Smirking, Roxanne squatted to untie the laces. Socks followed the shoes, along with the tiny picks stuffed in their legs. 

Roxanne took off her bracelet that upon consideration appeared to be containing too much intricate metal, then slowly reached for her ears and removed some jewelry. Megamind’s eyebrows gave up the pretense and rose to their full height, but he kept his slightly trembling gun trained on her while she let her fingers trail down her front and fish out a lipstick. She uncorked it and jiggled the blade before dropping it. 

“That’s all,” she said, cocking a hip, not bothering to hide her smugness. 

Megamind took a step back and gripped his gun with two hands. “Minion, use the spray and let’s get moving!” 

Roxanne opened her mouth but Minion was faster, a “Sorry, Miss Ritchi!” barely heard by the falling victim. As the robotic arms hauled her over one shoulder, Megamind took a moment to examine the pile. The earrings in particular were looking decidedly sharp, and he didn’t dare to touch anything. There was no way of knowing what could be laced with poison. 

*** 

Back at the Lair, Megamind ensured Roxanne’s wrists were bound securely. Then her waist. And legs. Satisfied, he straightened and slid his chair away, picking up the de-gun. 

Groaning, Roxanne shifted in the constraints. “I can  _ see _ I still got the bag.”  

Minion pulled it off as Megamind took aim. “Of course! Can’t let a nosey, deceiving reporter figure out my plans!” 

“Not that they aren’t utterly predictable. You’ve always abducted me on this day.” Roxanne’s lips pulled into a smile as her eyes landed on the gun. “But of course you can’t let me figure them out while you’re so in the dark about my designs, or we wouldn’t even need Metro Man to foil your evil plots.” 

Sputtering, Megamind jumped from his chair and stalked towards her. “What’s next, you taking my place? Good knights certainly don’t pave their way with lies!” 

“At least I’m a knight now instead of the damsel.”

Megamind loomed over her, opened his mouth but Roxanne beat him to it. “Please come closer.” 

That shut him up. He stared at her, flushed, then made a show of looking at his watch and hurried back to the control panel. “Minion, time to activate our evil machine!” 

“On it, sir!”

While Minion powered it up, Megamind twirled towards Roxanne. “I wouldn’t gloat if I were you; you’d make a poor knight if that’s how you’d arm yourself! Earrings can hardly be useful, there’s no way to quickly take them off for a fight or a poisoning!” 

Roxanne smirked. “Who says they were really weapons?” 

Gaping, Megamind flailed about, almost dropping his gun. “That’s it, I’m going to have brainbots destroy that outfit.” 

“Actually it’s made of wear-resistant materials. Have fun finding out which is stronger, their jaws or my dress.” 

With a huff, Megamind turned his back. “They can make it explode, then.” 

“Did I mention it was fireproof?” 

“Are you really questioning my ability to ruin it?” he said, suddenly nose-to-nose with his victim. 

“No. But it wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of you to rip up your damsel’s clothes, although I can understand that they are a weaker enemy than Metro Man.” 

Megamind jerked back, falling on his ass, and Roxanne bit the inside of her cheek, tactfully directing her gaze from him to her bare feet. “Kind of a shame I can’t use them on you now that you know,” flicks her gaze to Megamind, “but I just couldn’t resist showing you  _ all _ my weapons.” 

Distracted and throwing glances over his shoulder at odd intervals to make sure Roxanne wasn’t up to something, Megamind fumbled with the controls and repeatedly failed to initiate the sequence that would put his evil machine into Death Mode. He also gave her his kicked puppy look once Metro Man arrived and carried him away. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Concrit welcome.


End file.
